I Really Do Want To Do Good

"For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do." Romans 7:15

Generation after generation, our hearts have desired what is right but yet we seem to constantly fall short of doing the right thing. It's an epidemic that has plagued us since the beginning of time. The one generational sin that none of us will be able to get rid of until Jesus comes back for us. We sin and we don't understand why we are doing it. We want to do what is right but just can't seem to bring ourselves to do it. So although, we desire to do right, we won't. We continue doing the things we really don't like to do. Why? What's going in us that we can't set ourselves straight?

"If then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me." Romans 7:16-17

I know better. What I am doing is a big no-no. God's law says so. Plain and simple, but because I am ill with sin, it's in me to go against what God says.

  "For I know that in me (that is my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me but how to perform what is good I can not find." Romans 7:18

All I know is sin. I have sinned my whole life. I am comfortable with it. I welcome it. It's all I know how to do. And I want it to stop. But if it's all I know how to do, then how do I go about putting an end to it?

"For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now that if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me." Romans 7:19-20

We have heard these verses before. But then again, that is what sin is about. Going around and around; always repeating itself. "I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good." Romans 7:21

Yep. That's me. I will it, I want it, I understand the laws of good, but the evil is in me. Taking over and trying to snuff out the good.

"For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" Romans 7:22-24

Somewhere in me, I find joy and happiness in following God but it's at war with the part of me that finds joy in the world. Chaos dwells in my head. The noise, the battle...it's all too much most of the time and leaves me huddled by the side of my bed praying for some kind of serenity. My thoughts and actions are killing me. Sin is the puppetmaster and I am the puppet. It's clever, power hungry, and it's not about to let go.

I'm tired. I'm tired of being alone. Tired of loneliness. Tired of my disposition in life. I'm tired of trying to figure it out. Tired of being mentally exhausted and tired of being paralyzed by fear. I don't want to do this anymore and just want to throw the towel in. I am unable to move forward and unable to muster up enough energy to try. The war in my mind is too much and the only thing I know to do is to sit here. Cry. Cry. And cry some more. Sin is about ready to call checkmate. But wait.....

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30