A couple of summers ago, my ex-boyfriend (an unfortunate mention but part of the story) and I went to the beach. He was great at finding whole sand dollars and some of the prettiest seashells. As we walked along the beach we came to a point where there were a cluster of rocks. He said sometimes you find some pretty nice shells hidden in them. So as we looked, I saw this really pretty conch shell stuck in between two rocks. I wanted that shell. My ex said there was no way to get it out but I was determined and started pushing, pulling, attempting to lift the rock off it, and even banging it out with a small rock trying not to damage it. Nothing. It wasn't going to budge. But I wanted it. So I continued...push, pull, lift and bang. Repeating this process for about twenty minutes. My ex thought I was crazy and suggested I should forget it. But I wanted it. So again....push, pull, lift and bang. Another twenty minutes go by and I finally decided to give up. I walked away but then decided to turn back. I got that small rock and my adrenaline was pumped! I hammered that shell until finally....VICTORY!!! There it was. All mine and with little scarring on the shell.
Sometimes we are like that stuck seashell. At one point in our lives we lived free, got caught up in the tide and then stuck just waiting for someone to set us free. Determination goes two ways. God and us. He is determined to have us close to Him so He pushes, pulls, lifts heavy rocks off us, and smacks us with a hammer to get us unstuck. Our determination is to be free again. Once we get stuck, we do what we can to try to get out of a tough spot. We pray, we search and we even wait to be saved. And without fail, God does save us and then we are all His.
"But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy one of Israel, your Saviour....." Isaiah 43:1
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Don't Sweat The Small Stuff
I moved into my apartment in August of 2011 and my living quarters were cut in half, so needless to say, my space had to be used wisely. I got the idea of putting a wall shelf up from my dear friend who had one in her bedroom to put odds and ends on. So the search began. At that time my budget was super tight and there was no room for purchasing such simple items as a wall shelf. It actually made me a little sad and did say a small prayer for help in finding what I needed to help make my cubicle a home.
One fine morning, I took the dogs for their morning potty time and as we were walking back to the apartment, I noticed something laying under the tree. From far away it was hard to notice what it was but as we got closer it became more apparent and kept thinking, "That can't be what I think it is." But it most certainly was. A shelf. In near perfect condition and just the right size. I picked it up and looked around to see if there was anyone to be seen. In that moment, I became a shady character of sorts and hurried the dogs inside. There was no way I was going to let this thing slip through my fingers.
I went to work that day and told my friend all about the finding. The story went as so, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking the dogs and there it was! A wood shelf up against a tree. It was as if Jesus carved it out of the branches and plopped it right next to the tree for me to find. It's Jesus' shelf. That's what it is!" And that is what it was known as from that moment on....Jesus' shelf.
I tell this tiny tale because to some it may seem to be an insignificant thing, but it was what I needed at the time and God was more than happy to provide. Plus it was an opportunity for Him to give an example that there is nothing too small for Him to take care of or even care about. It was important to me so it became important to Him.
"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in Heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" Matthew 7:11
One fine morning, I took the dogs for their morning potty time and as we were walking back to the apartment, I noticed something laying under the tree. From far away it was hard to notice what it was but as we got closer it became more apparent and kept thinking, "That can't be what I think it is." But it most certainly was. A shelf. In near perfect condition and just the right size. I picked it up and looked around to see if there was anyone to be seen. In that moment, I became a shady character of sorts and hurried the dogs inside. There was no way I was going to let this thing slip through my fingers.
I went to work that day and told my friend all about the finding. The story went as so, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking the dogs and there it was! A wood shelf up against a tree. It was as if Jesus carved it out of the branches and plopped it right next to the tree for me to find. It's Jesus' shelf. That's what it is!" And that is what it was known as from that moment on....Jesus' shelf.
I tell this tiny tale because to some it may seem to be an insignificant thing, but it was what I needed at the time and God was more than happy to provide. Plus it was an opportunity for Him to give an example that there is nothing too small for Him to take care of or even care about. It was important to me so it became important to Him.
"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in Heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" Matthew 7:11
Thursday, April 19, 2012
A Dog's Mission
"A righteous man regards the life of his animal, But the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel." Proverbs 12:10
How can I resist those big brown eyes.
So bright and beautiful.
An example of love if there ever was one.
That's why I need to send you down
so you can show the world
what it is to be kind, loving, loyal, protective, a comforter
and how to do it all even after enduring tribulation.
I know, I know.
You want to be here with Me,
but there is someone down there in need.
I will make sure you two find one another.
She needs you.
To look at her with those same brown eyes you are loving Me with.
She will be going through tough times.
Be her comforter.
She will shed many tears.
Kiss them away.
She will be seeking answers.
Please listen to her.
She will feel lost and alone
Please stay by her side.
She will get hurt.
You need to protect her.
She will spend many days sad.
Give her laughter on those days.
She will lose hope.
Make sure she doesn't.
The world is a tough place.
It can be very unkind.
That is why I need you to help her.
Help her to make her way through.
It's a big job.
One I trust you can do.
And never forget.....
Put your paw on her knee;
And look at her.
Look at her with those smiling brown eyes.
For when she looks into them,
she will see Me.
How can I resist those big brown eyes.
So bright and beautiful.
An example of love if there ever was one.
That's why I need to send you down
so you can show the world
what it is to be kind, loving, loyal, protective, a comforter
and how to do it all even after enduring tribulation.
I know, I know.
You want to be here with Me,
but there is someone down there in need.
I will make sure you two find one another.
She needs you.
To look at her with those same brown eyes you are loving Me with.
She will be going through tough times.
Be her comforter.
She will shed many tears.
Kiss them away.
She will be seeking answers.
Please listen to her.
She will feel lost and alone
Please stay by her side.
She will get hurt.
You need to protect her.
She will spend many days sad.
Give her laughter on those days.
She will lose hope.
Make sure she doesn't.
The world is a tough place.
It can be very unkind.
That is why I need you to help her.
Help her to make her way through.
It's a big job.
One I trust you can do.
And never forget.....
Put your paw on her knee;
And look at her.
Look at her with those smiling brown eyes.
For when she looks into them,
she will see Me.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
17 Point Spiritual Checklist.
You always see the commercials for those oil and lube places that offer a 17 point maintenance check to make sure your car is running at its optimal best. As I was painting my apartment today, I started to think about this concept and also thought about how we can apply the same principal to our spiritual lives. So here is what I came up with:
1. I am lonely.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
2. I feel like I don't fit in.
"But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man see; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
3. I don't know what the next step is in life.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
4. I feel unloved/I don't look like everyone else.
"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:14
5. Fear paralyzes me too much to move forward.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 1 Timothy 1:7
6. My feelings were hurt and I can't seem to let go of the issue.
"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one anotther, even as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:31 -32
7. Now that I am sober, how do I fill my time?
"Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you. Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers." 1 Timothy 4:14-16
8. I don't know how to stick up for myself.
"But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a areason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile you your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed. For it is better, if it is the will of God to suffer for doing good than for doing evil." 1 Peter 3:15-17
9. I made a mistake and don't know how to fix it.
"A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance." Proverbs 28: 13
My personal checklist could go on and on but you can see for every concern I have, there is something to be said about in the Bible. I encourage you to make a checklist for the concerns you have in your life and find a verse that pertains to that concern. Keep your Spiritual Checklist with you just in case those concerns pop up in your again. God is paying attention and knows we can be troubled in this life. That's why He provided the Bible so that it may be our God to get through this temporary life and attain eternal life with our Lord.
1. I am lonely.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
2. I feel like I don't fit in.
"But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man see; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
3. I don't know what the next step is in life.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
4. I feel unloved/I don't look like everyone else.
"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:14
5. Fear paralyzes me too much to move forward.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 1 Timothy 1:7
6. My feelings were hurt and I can't seem to let go of the issue.
"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one anotther, even as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:31 -32
7. Now that I am sober, how do I fill my time?
"Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you. Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers." 1 Timothy 4:14-16
8. I don't know how to stick up for myself.
"But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a areason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile you your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed. For it is better, if it is the will of God to suffer for doing good than for doing evil." 1 Peter 3:15-17
9. I made a mistake and don't know how to fix it.
"A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance." Proverbs 28: 13
My personal checklist could go on and on but you can see for every concern I have, there is something to be said about in the Bible. I encourage you to make a checklist for the concerns you have in your life and find a verse that pertains to that concern. Keep your Spiritual Checklist with you just in case those concerns pop up in your again. God is paying attention and knows we can be troubled in this life. That's why He provided the Bible so that it may be our God to get through this temporary life and attain eternal life with our Lord.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
New Beginnings
I saw someone post a Bible verse based on the date. I made a comment about how I thought that was a good idea and he said to try it with Psalms. So finally tonight I did. I opened up my Bible and went to Psalms 4:....oh wait. There is no verse 15. So I split it. I went to vere one.
"HEAR me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have relieved me in my distress; Have mercy on me, and hear my prayer."
How fitting. In 14 1/2 hours I will be baptized and giving the following over to God:
1. Everything.
Tell me what doesn't fit under that category. It means what it says.
My past is as it states.
My future is His.
My fears will be handed over.
My loneliness just means that I am starting to make the right decisions.
My lust. It's gone. I trust God has the perfect man for me.
My anger is not warranted anymore.
My need for attention is over. I only care what God thinks of me.
My poor decision making will come to an end.
My trust issues are not issues because I trust in the Lord.
My speaking before thinking will be turned into silence until I find the right words to say.
The list goes on and on but I am not fooled to think I will be perfect at it. It's impossible and when I slip up, I am now saying I will always run to the Lord. I am saying I will fight harder to make it through this life so that I can spend eternity with Him. What I am saying, is that I am not going alone. I will take as many people as I can with me. I refuse to do it your way. I choose to do it God's way and if it means that I am on this mission alone, then so be it.
April 15th at 4:00 PM. Fear, anger, hurt, deceit, manipulation, an unhealthy past, lust, pride, self seeking....it all will be sinking to the bottom of the baptismal never to surface again. But the only way to make that possible:
"In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and confidence shall be your strength." Isaiah 30:15
"HEAR me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have relieved me in my distress; Have mercy on me, and hear my prayer."
How fitting. In 14 1/2 hours I will be baptized and giving the following over to God:
1. Everything.
Tell me what doesn't fit under that category. It means what it says.
My past is as it states.
My future is His.
My fears will be handed over.
My loneliness just means that I am starting to make the right decisions.
My lust. It's gone. I trust God has the perfect man for me.
My anger is not warranted anymore.
My need for attention is over. I only care what God thinks of me.
My poor decision making will come to an end.
My trust issues are not issues because I trust in the Lord.
My speaking before thinking will be turned into silence until I find the right words to say.
The list goes on and on but I am not fooled to think I will be perfect at it. It's impossible and when I slip up, I am now saying I will always run to the Lord. I am saying I will fight harder to make it through this life so that I can spend eternity with Him. What I am saying, is that I am not going alone. I will take as many people as I can with me. I refuse to do it your way. I choose to do it God's way and if it means that I am on this mission alone, then so be it.
April 15th at 4:00 PM. Fear, anger, hurt, deceit, manipulation, an unhealthy past, lust, pride, self seeking....it all will be sinking to the bottom of the baptismal never to surface again. But the only way to make that possible:
"In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and confidence shall be your strength." Isaiah 30:15
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Helping Others Through Your Pain
"What a wonderful God we have-He is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does He do this? So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
I will never forget the first time I read this verse. It was last year when I began my post-abortion counseling. It was on the cover of my little workbook Forgiven and Set Free. I must've read that verse a thousand times hoping that one day I could live it out. This week my dream came true.
I went for my bi-weekly visit at Carenet Tuesday and had the opportunity to sit in on a session with a woman who was struggling with guilt over her abortion. I was able to share a little bit about my experiences and also shared about God's healing and forgiveness. I was in awe over how just a year ago, it was me sitting in that spot feeling so much remorse, so much guilt and shame, feeling as if there was no way to heal from that pain and yet...I did find it.
Again tonight, I was able to share with another woman about finding freedom from guilt. She was so broken and defeated. I offered to help her through the process and I hope she does take me up on that offer. Again it was a reminder of that time when I felt there was no hope and no chance to be relieved of the pain you carry in your heart for so many years after performing such an act.
One year ago, I walked into Carenet and sat in a little room with a woman who was living this verse out. She shared with me her story and worked with me as I found healing, forgiveness, God's love, and a purpose for my future. For the first time back then, I felt a reason for my life. Everything that has happened to me (not just the abortions) was not in vain. For the first time, I didn't view myself so much as a screw up but someone who was beginning a process of change so that one day I can live out this verse. For the first time I had meaning. I now just needed to find the self-confidence to carry out that meaning and over that past year it has been work to do so. But in sharing with these women, I found it so easy because I was there. I was there where they are and all I had do was tell my story and pray they would let it sink in to their brains. Pray that they would take advantage of the opportunity of someone trying to reach out and it being the first step in finding their healing just as I did with the one that shared with me.
Time and time again we hear that we all have a story to tell. How there are certain people in this world only you can reach. Whatever it is that you are going through, first do step one in this verse; find comfort and strength in God through your hardships and trials. Once you do that, then go to step two; give the same comfort and encouragement to those who are walking down the same path of which you once walked down.
I will never forget the first time I read this verse. It was last year when I began my post-abortion counseling. It was on the cover of my little workbook Forgiven and Set Free. I must've read that verse a thousand times hoping that one day I could live it out. This week my dream came true.
I went for my bi-weekly visit at Carenet Tuesday and had the opportunity to sit in on a session with a woman who was struggling with guilt over her abortion. I was able to share a little bit about my experiences and also shared about God's healing and forgiveness. I was in awe over how just a year ago, it was me sitting in that spot feeling so much remorse, so much guilt and shame, feeling as if there was no way to heal from that pain and yet...I did find it.
Again tonight, I was able to share with another woman about finding freedom from guilt. She was so broken and defeated. I offered to help her through the process and I hope she does take me up on that offer. Again it was a reminder of that time when I felt there was no hope and no chance to be relieved of the pain you carry in your heart for so many years after performing such an act.
One year ago, I walked into Carenet and sat in a little room with a woman who was living this verse out. She shared with me her story and worked with me as I found healing, forgiveness, God's love, and a purpose for my future. For the first time back then, I felt a reason for my life. Everything that has happened to me (not just the abortions) was not in vain. For the first time, I didn't view myself so much as a screw up but someone who was beginning a process of change so that one day I can live out this verse. For the first time I had meaning. I now just needed to find the self-confidence to carry out that meaning and over that past year it has been work to do so. But in sharing with these women, I found it so easy because I was there. I was there where they are and all I had do was tell my story and pray they would let it sink in to their brains. Pray that they would take advantage of the opportunity of someone trying to reach out and it being the first step in finding their healing just as I did with the one that shared with me.
Time and time again we hear that we all have a story to tell. How there are certain people in this world only you can reach. Whatever it is that you are going through, first do step one in this verse; find comfort and strength in God through your hardships and trials. Once you do that, then go to step two; give the same comfort and encouragement to those who are walking down the same path of which you once walked down.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Where Hope Lies
I always find it amazing how God has a message ready for you right when you need to hear it. As a matter of fact, I am to the point where I have been replying to God's messages in this way,"Ok God. I get it now. Can we take a break from life's lessons. Just give me a week." It's no secret that I probably spent half of my recovery on fire for God and the other half on wanting to give up on God. Well that's the funny thing about the second half...I haven't given up. I may have wanted to but I haven't. I don't know if it's because God swoops in with my personal life lesson and I press on or if it's because I am just throwing a hissy fit and just need to get over it. This past weekend I had one of my, "I'm just going to give up" tantrums.
This weekend had happened to been one of my hardest trials. I admit it. I was going to go and get some alcohol. I wanted to forget how lonely I have been, how bored I was, and how tired I have grown waiting on God. I was trying to understand why things were the way they were. I was trying to figure out the next step. Needless to say I was torn and to add to all that...God revealed sin I was committing. Talk about having a lot of weight on my shoulders.
I thought about my family. I so badly desire to move closer to them but in my heart I know God wants me to stay here in Florida. I thought about my career and how overwhelmed by how much is out there for an inspiring writer. It made my head spin and I backed off for a moment. I thought about my loneliness and how I would do anything for attention. And that's where the sermon from Easter service this weekend came in.
Our pastor said you can't find hope in three areas: people, possessions, and life. For me, I put hope in people. I still starve for that attention that was stripped from me for so many years. That wanting to be center of attention has left me wandering in a desert again. God is secluding me at the moment until I learn it's not the people...it's Him.
I started to search my own heart for my intentions. Why am I doing what I am doing? Why am I so concerned with what others think? Why do I have to be the best? Why do I feel the need to seek attention? Why doesn't this person want to be my friend? How come so and so doesn't like me? The questions are endless. I believe I wrote about this not too long ago, but apparently it didn't sink in.
I often get these revelations that will stick but for a moment. I believe it's the dollar store glue that is being used. I need to go for the good stuff. Super glue to make sure it's not going anywhere.
Anyhow, when I realized what I was doing, I had no choice but to confess it to God. I am weak. I still have my manipulative and deceitful ways still in me. Maybe not as severe but they are there and it's a tool I know how to use very well. I still want things my way and I want to give in to those urges that I know will leave me with a hangover of guilt and shame the next day. I keep making myself believe that if I just do all these good things, people will see me and see how good I am. And if they see that, then I must be good, right? But if things aren't going the way I think they should....that's when I want to give in to my worldly desires. It's so easy. At least there I get the attention I want. Not to mention, my life isn't so boring when I'm living that part of my life. Basically, I am two people. One who longs for the excitement (if you can call it that) of the old days and one who longs to do the right thing and maintaining that level of excitement. I want people to notice me and notice what I am doing and keep confirming me. I make it their responsibility to make sure I am doing what I am suppose to be doing for God. But then it's not for God. I do it for them. Their affirmations.
"For the Word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than an two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Song of God, let us hold fast our confession." Hebrews 4:12-14
At the end of the day...it doesn't matter how popular I am. So what if a soul doesn't notice me? God does. Doesn't matter if others think I should be doing certain things or even acting in a certain way. God gave me this life to live for Him and that's what I need to do. And I need to do it with the right heart otherwise I shouldn't be doing anything at all.
As far as the urges. It's a very real thing that many of us have to endure for the time being. They can't be helped but we have to just be strong enough to fight through them and keep ourselves pure for God. And if we fall, that's ok. Get back up and keep going. And if we fall again. Get back up and keep going. And if we fall again. Just keep getting back up and keep going on. God doesn't intend to leave us alone through all this.
"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." John 16:33
This weekend had happened to been one of my hardest trials. I admit it. I was going to go and get some alcohol. I wanted to forget how lonely I have been, how bored I was, and how tired I have grown waiting on God. I was trying to understand why things were the way they were. I was trying to figure out the next step. Needless to say I was torn and to add to all that...God revealed sin I was committing. Talk about having a lot of weight on my shoulders.
I thought about my family. I so badly desire to move closer to them but in my heart I know God wants me to stay here in Florida. I thought about my career and how overwhelmed by how much is out there for an inspiring writer. It made my head spin and I backed off for a moment. I thought about my loneliness and how I would do anything for attention. And that's where the sermon from Easter service this weekend came in.
Our pastor said you can't find hope in three areas: people, possessions, and life. For me, I put hope in people. I still starve for that attention that was stripped from me for so many years. That wanting to be center of attention has left me wandering in a desert again. God is secluding me at the moment until I learn it's not the people...it's Him.
I started to search my own heart for my intentions. Why am I doing what I am doing? Why am I so concerned with what others think? Why do I have to be the best? Why do I feel the need to seek attention? Why doesn't this person want to be my friend? How come so and so doesn't like me? The questions are endless. I believe I wrote about this not too long ago, but apparently it didn't sink in.
I often get these revelations that will stick but for a moment. I believe it's the dollar store glue that is being used. I need to go for the good stuff. Super glue to make sure it's not going anywhere.
Anyhow, when I realized what I was doing, I had no choice but to confess it to God. I am weak. I still have my manipulative and deceitful ways still in me. Maybe not as severe but they are there and it's a tool I know how to use very well. I still want things my way and I want to give in to those urges that I know will leave me with a hangover of guilt and shame the next day. I keep making myself believe that if I just do all these good things, people will see me and see how good I am. And if they see that, then I must be good, right? But if things aren't going the way I think they should....that's when I want to give in to my worldly desires. It's so easy. At least there I get the attention I want. Not to mention, my life isn't so boring when I'm living that part of my life. Basically, I am two people. One who longs for the excitement (if you can call it that) of the old days and one who longs to do the right thing and maintaining that level of excitement. I want people to notice me and notice what I am doing and keep confirming me. I make it their responsibility to make sure I am doing what I am suppose to be doing for God. But then it's not for God. I do it for them. Their affirmations.
"For the Word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than an two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Song of God, let us hold fast our confession." Hebrews 4:12-14
At the end of the day...it doesn't matter how popular I am. So what if a soul doesn't notice me? God does. Doesn't matter if others think I should be doing certain things or even acting in a certain way. God gave me this life to live for Him and that's what I need to do. And I need to do it with the right heart otherwise I shouldn't be doing anything at all.
As far as the urges. It's a very real thing that many of us have to endure for the time being. They can't be helped but we have to just be strong enough to fight through them and keep ourselves pure for God. And if we fall, that's ok. Get back up and keep going. And if we fall again. Get back up and keep going. And if we fall again. Just keep getting back up and keep going on. God doesn't intend to leave us alone through all this.
"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." John 16:33
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Step Out of Your Kennel
A few years ago, I was volunteering at the animal shelter. I was a dog companion and my job was to give the dogs a break from being in their kennels by walking with them and playing with them. Generally the dogs were very excited to come out and play but there were a few that were shy or fearful. After all, they did come there under a variety of circumstances.
Each dog was a joy to spend time with but there is one in particular I will never forget. It was a Great Dane (I can not recall his name) and they had to knock down a wall to get him to fit in one of the kennels. Most of the dogs would be eager to come out but he wasn't even close to the door. I opened that gate wide open and he didn't move. I put his leash on and tried to lead him out but he just wouldn't budge. I pulled, yanked and pushed even but nothing. The only movement he made was to the other side of the kennel to get away from me. Needless to say, I was a bit discouraged but also determined to get this dog to come out and enjoy some time romping around, stretch his legs, and the opportunity to pee on everything. So there we were. Him sitting on one side afraid of the outside world and me sitting on the other side trying to figure out how I can let him know it's ok. The only thing I could do, was just sit there. Just sit.
After about ten minutes, he apparently thought about what was outside the kennel because he came closer to me and allowed me to pat his head, stroke his side and eventually put the leash on. He followed me out not knowing what awaited him outside his little safe haven. We trotted past the other dogs, down the little green hill where he would take a sniff or two and right into one of the play areas. I let him off his leash thinking he would take off but he just stood there. He looked at me and I encouraged him to go run around. But he stood there. I found a ball and threw it. Nothing. I started running around like a fool and he stared at me like I was a fool. Finally he started to move around...sniff here...sniff there....sniff a tree and sniffed the ball. Picked the ball up in his mouth. I threw ball. He chased ball. Before we both knew it, we were both running like a couple of fools around the play area. Here was a dog who no more than fifteen minutes earlier was huddled alongside the kennel, unwilling to budge, was now jumping, running at full force, tongue whipping out of the side of his mouth and not a care in the world. Had we just sat there in his kennel, he would've missed out on all the fun he was having.
Often we live in a kennel of fear. We don't want to know what's out there because it may be something that can harm us. A new career, relationship, service work, or fear of people talking about us, disappointing others, etc., etc., etc. So we stay in our little kennel because it's safe. Nothing can happen to us in there. God comes along and opens the gate wide open encouraging us to experience and enjoy all the good things He has prepared for us. But our fear has paralyzed us and we refuse to come out. So God sits in our little fear kennel with us and waits patiently until we come to that decision to take a step out and see what is out there for us beyond the chain link fence of fear.
"The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." 2Peter 3:9
God will not let us out of His sight. Once we step out of our fear kennel, we just follow God to the designated safety area where we can jump, play, and run around like fools with our tongues whipping out of the side of our mouths. He has nothing but our best interests at heart. All we have to do is take that first step out and trust Him.
"For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.'" Isaiah 41:13
Each dog was a joy to spend time with but there is one in particular I will never forget. It was a Great Dane (I can not recall his name) and they had to knock down a wall to get him to fit in one of the kennels. Most of the dogs would be eager to come out but he wasn't even close to the door. I opened that gate wide open and he didn't move. I put his leash on and tried to lead him out but he just wouldn't budge. I pulled, yanked and pushed even but nothing. The only movement he made was to the other side of the kennel to get away from me. Needless to say, I was a bit discouraged but also determined to get this dog to come out and enjoy some time romping around, stretch his legs, and the opportunity to pee on everything. So there we were. Him sitting on one side afraid of the outside world and me sitting on the other side trying to figure out how I can let him know it's ok. The only thing I could do, was just sit there. Just sit.
After about ten minutes, he apparently thought about what was outside the kennel because he came closer to me and allowed me to pat his head, stroke his side and eventually put the leash on. He followed me out not knowing what awaited him outside his little safe haven. We trotted past the other dogs, down the little green hill where he would take a sniff or two and right into one of the play areas. I let him off his leash thinking he would take off but he just stood there. He looked at me and I encouraged him to go run around. But he stood there. I found a ball and threw it. Nothing. I started running around like a fool and he stared at me like I was a fool. Finally he started to move around...sniff here...sniff there....sniff a tree and sniffed the ball. Picked the ball up in his mouth. I threw ball. He chased ball. Before we both knew it, we were both running like a couple of fools around the play area. Here was a dog who no more than fifteen minutes earlier was huddled alongside the kennel, unwilling to budge, was now jumping, running at full force, tongue whipping out of the side of his mouth and not a care in the world. Had we just sat there in his kennel, he would've missed out on all the fun he was having.
Often we live in a kennel of fear. We don't want to know what's out there because it may be something that can harm us. A new career, relationship, service work, or fear of people talking about us, disappointing others, etc., etc., etc. So we stay in our little kennel because it's safe. Nothing can happen to us in there. God comes along and opens the gate wide open encouraging us to experience and enjoy all the good things He has prepared for us. But our fear has paralyzed us and we refuse to come out. So God sits in our little fear kennel with us and waits patiently until we come to that decision to take a step out and see what is out there for us beyond the chain link fence of fear.
"The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." 2Peter 3:9
God will not let us out of His sight. Once we step out of our fear kennel, we just follow God to the designated safety area where we can jump, play, and run around like fools with our tongues whipping out of the side of our mouths. He has nothing but our best interests at heart. All we have to do is take that first step out and trust Him.
"For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.'" Isaiah 41:13
Monday, April 2, 2012
I Really Do Want To Do Good
"For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do." Romans 7:15
Generation after generation, our hearts have desired what is right but yet we seem to constantly fall short of doing the right thing. It's an epidemic that has plagued us since the beginning of time. The one generational sin that none of us will be able to get rid of until Jesus comes back for us. We sin and we don't understand why we are doing it. We want to do what is right but just can't seem to bring ourselves to do it. So although, we desire to do right, we won't. We continue doing the things we really don't like to do. Why? What's going in us that we can't set ourselves straight?
"If then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me." Romans 7:16-17
I know better. What I am doing is a big no-no. God's law says so. Plain and simple, but because I am ill with sin, it's in me to go against what God says.
"For I know that in me (that is my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me but how to perform what is good I can not find." Romans 7:18
All I know is sin. I have sinned my whole life. I am comfortable with it. I welcome it. It's all I know how to do. And I want it to stop. But if it's all I know how to do, then how do I go about putting an end to it?
"For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now that if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me." Romans 7:19-20
We have heard these verses before. But then again, that is what sin is about. Going around and around; always repeating itself. "I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good." Romans 7:21
Yep. That's me. I will it, I want it, I understand the laws of good, but the evil is in me. Taking over and trying to snuff out the good.
"For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" Romans 7:22-24
Somewhere in me, I find joy and happiness in following God but it's at war with the part of me that finds joy in the world. Chaos dwells in my head. The noise, the battle...it's all too much most of the time and leaves me huddled by the side of my bed praying for some kind of serenity. My thoughts and actions are killing me. Sin is the puppetmaster and I am the puppet. It's clever, power hungry, and it's not about to let go.
I'm tired. I'm tired of being alone. Tired of loneliness. Tired of my disposition in life. I'm tired of trying to figure it out. Tired of being mentally exhausted and tired of being paralyzed by fear. I don't want to do this anymore and just want to throw the towel in. I am unable to move forward and unable to muster up enough energy to try. The war in my mind is too much and the only thing I know to do is to sit here. Cry. Cry. And cry some more. Sin is about ready to call checkmate. But wait.....
"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
Generation after generation, our hearts have desired what is right but yet we seem to constantly fall short of doing the right thing. It's an epidemic that has plagued us since the beginning of time. The one generational sin that none of us will be able to get rid of until Jesus comes back for us. We sin and we don't understand why we are doing it. We want to do what is right but just can't seem to bring ourselves to do it. So although, we desire to do right, we won't. We continue doing the things we really don't like to do. Why? What's going in us that we can't set ourselves straight?
"If then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me." Romans 7:16-17
I know better. What I am doing is a big no-no. God's law says so. Plain and simple, but because I am ill with sin, it's in me to go against what God says.
"For I know that in me (that is my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me but how to perform what is good I can not find." Romans 7:18
All I know is sin. I have sinned my whole life. I am comfortable with it. I welcome it. It's all I know how to do. And I want it to stop. But if it's all I know how to do, then how do I go about putting an end to it?
"For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now that if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me." Romans 7:19-20
We have heard these verses before. But then again, that is what sin is about. Going around and around; always repeating itself. "I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good." Romans 7:21
Yep. That's me. I will it, I want it, I understand the laws of good, but the evil is in me. Taking over and trying to snuff out the good.
"For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" Romans 7:22-24
Somewhere in me, I find joy and happiness in following God but it's at war with the part of me that finds joy in the world. Chaos dwells in my head. The noise, the battle...it's all too much most of the time and leaves me huddled by the side of my bed praying for some kind of serenity. My thoughts and actions are killing me. Sin is the puppetmaster and I am the puppet. It's clever, power hungry, and it's not about to let go.
I'm tired. I'm tired of being alone. Tired of loneliness. Tired of my disposition in life. I'm tired of trying to figure it out. Tired of being mentally exhausted and tired of being paralyzed by fear. I don't want to do this anymore and just want to throw the towel in. I am unable to move forward and unable to muster up enough energy to try. The war in my mind is too much and the only thing I know to do is to sit here. Cry. Cry. And cry some more. Sin is about ready to call checkmate. But wait.....
"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
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