Bitter roots? Use RoundUp.

I have been such a big baby over the past week or two.  Just so foul in my  mood that it began to slowly pour out.  It was not good and I was willing to do whatever it took to get rid of this disease that was taking over my mind.  My dear friend listened patiently as I texted my little fingers off about all  my sins to her.  But no matter how much I vented, I wasn't feeling or doing better. I chose to hold on to my...whatever it is you want to call it and not listen to reason.  I was standing in quicksand and sinking quicker and quicker, but then God threw a line and pulled me out. 

It started last night when I went to do Underground Ministry with a few friends.  Wow!  What a night!  And how quickly you forget what's wrong in your life when you are listening to these beautiful ladies talk about all the turmoil they are going through.  I went home feeling a change come about my attitude.

After last night, God went in "for the kill."  Today's sermon.  It was about forgiveness and He made sure I paid full attention.  Our Pastor Randy talked about how we make one of the following choices.  We either fight back or we take a flight reaction.  That was me.  Option two.  It was always so easy for me to say, "Ah just forget them.  Forget it all!"  And I was pretty much there by the end of this semi- silent  little hissy fit I was throwing yet I was determined to work through it.  So the sermon went on and two verses caught my attention.  The first one:

"......looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God;  lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;"  Hebrews 12:15

Fortunately it was more like bitter weeds that were popping up and they haven't take root.  Then I was reading the verse before it as I was writing this. 

"Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord:"  Hebrews 12:14

So God and I took out the bottle of RoundUp (a very big bottle) and sprayed those bitter weeds.  It takes a little time for them to die, but once they do, God will be plucking them right out and in the garbage they go. 

God is amazing in His love.  He has been by my side.  Talking, comforting, teaching, and loving me.  He hasn't let go of my hand yet.  Some questions popped up that God felt I needed to ponder on.

1.  What kind of person do you want to be?
2.  Why do you feel the need to have constant affirmation?
3.  Isn't MY love enough for you?
4.  What are you going to stand up for?
5.  Are you willing to stand alone at times?
6.  How willing are you to stay quiet until I tell you to speak?
7.  Why do you feel you have to have other's attention at all times?
8.  Do you not trust me to provide you with purpose and happiness all at the same time?
9.  Do you not trust me to provide you with a husband of worth?
10. Do you even trust me at all?

'Be yourself Theresa.  Even if it's you being the quiet soul I made you to be. Remember that I made you!   You don't have to do anything special or be anyone different.  Haven't I shown you how loved you are?  Look at all the wonderful people in your life pulling for you, praying with you, loving you, encouraging you....what more do you want?  Just give me an ounce of trust and a little time and you will see how it will play out....and please....stay out of MY way.  I love you, but I can only go to Plan B, Plan C, Plan Z so many times before I really can't do anything for you.' 

There isn't a word to describe God's forgiveness and love.  It just is. And it's just glorious.  It's ok if you have thrown a hissy fit, got yourself into trouble, made a fool out of yourself, tried to make things happen and messed them up, etc. etc. etc.  Sin can go on forever but it doesn't have to.  Which brings me to the second verse that stood out.

"Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, and that He may send Jesus Christ, who was preached to you before...."  Acts 3:19-20

God not only forgives, but He will renew us.  Helps us up, brushes us off, and away we keep going.  But take His counsel.  Learn from your lesson so that you may not fall in the same hole again.