I woke up this morning in quite a comical way. My dog Sunny trying to suffocate me because I wouldn't wake up fast enough to take him out. So in other words, he tried to "take me out." The dog can be relentless about his morning time rituals but at least he sticks to a schedule:
7:00 am: Wake mommy up at all cost.
7:15 am: Eat breakfast
7:20 am: Dance around mommy until she takes me outside.
It's the same every single morning. I have grown quite used to it. So the morning started off in a humor but quickly turned into irritation when I got a text from my boss to come in a lot earlier (like three hours) because someone called in sick. Just last week I had to stay late because someone was sick. Now I know these things happen, but with the way my brain works, the thoughts were more like,'Is this going to happen every time?' 'Why me?' 'I wish I could just stick to the schedule.' It all sounds quite stupid. I know. But there is a deeper issue than just having a schedule rearranged. It's the fact of working for retail and growing tired of the business. If I am feeling burnt out after six years, how in the world am I going to make it for another forty?!
I have been praying about this for a very long time but no answer. Still praying but nothing. My wonderful friends have been quite the encouragers lately and keep telling me I need to get into writing and start telling my little stories. So it holds true. After you hear so much how people think you're talented in something, you start believing it. Just like when a person tells you how awful you are for so long...you believe it. I know this all too well, unfortunately. But God is good. He put people in my life to encourage me and to help me see my self worth and I am thankful and grateful.
So this is where Desperation invites himself into my home. Retail takes a toll on you as I had just said and most people would do anything to get out of it. Retail is scary. You can lose your job at any moment, you often feel like you are not good enough, especially when you aren't selling, and in a lot of ways it's a big part of your life when you really don't want it to be. And it seems no matter how much I pray, how more open minded I become....the business makes me miserable. Now don't get me wrong....I love the people I work for. They are probably the nicest and most fun bosses I ever had, but it has nothing to do with them personally, it just has to do with the business. It can't happen fast enough for me to get out but I need to be very careful.
I believe God is starting to answer my prayer about a writing career. This blog came about from a friend who said you need something seperate from Facebook to post your thoughts. My other friend suggested someone to gain advice about freelance writing, and I ran into another friend who told me about a Christian organization that helps Christian writers. She got a scholarship to go to their conference and hoping to be published. Please pray for her. So things are happening for sure.
"But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
Patience is definetly a virtue. It's difficult for the Lord to help you if you get in the way and think you can do it better. He is just and fair to give you the desires of your heart but we need to be patient so that He can put everything into place to make your dreams not only come true, but be better than what you could possibly imagine. Getting in the way will only give us a so-so dream. It won't be at it's fullest. I am desperate to get out of retail and move on to something new but my prayer is not so much about having a writing career. That will happen. I am certain of it. My prayer is now for patience with God to work everything out the way that it should so that I can truly enjoy this new chapter in life (no pun intended there). Plus...I want those who read my work to get the most out of it too and it would be wrong to cheat them because I am too eager.
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