As I was doing my Bible study, tonight's topic was very intriguing. It was about not always getting the answer to the question why. This was the lesson for me because I am fully of "whys."
1. Why did I make some of the choices I made?
2. Why was my exhusband so mean to me?
3. Why didn't I just stand up and do the right thing?
4. Why am I so fearful....of everything?
5. Why am I so lonely?
6. Why can't I get the nice guy?
7. Why isn't God's love just enough for me?
8. Why can't I stop being so prideful?
9. Why isn't there a clearer direction of what I am suppose to do?
10. Why does it seem like when I do step out to do something, it leads to a dead end?
11. Why....
12. Why....
13. And how come....
The "whys" could continue but at some point we have to just stop asking why and just accept things are the way they are because they are suppose to be. And we have to understand that God does have a purpose and a plan even when we don't see how there could be a purpose or a plan.
One of my biggest fears is making the wrong decision and God would be displeased and curse me. Yes...I actually still live in fear of God from time to time. I still lack understanding that it's not in what I do that makes Him love me, but it's just being. I keep thinking, "If I just do what everyone else is doing than God will bless me and I will find favor with many." How freaking screwed up is that thought process? Let me make a face at my own embarrassing thought here. :/
I have tried doing what many others are doing and all it leads to is frustration, disappointment and bitterness. I doubt this is God's plan. And I doubt it's God's plan to sit here and do nothing because no one benefits from idleness. I felt guilty for wanting to go down a certain path because surely it's not the most popular one but then again, WHY does my plan have to be like everyone else's. Can you imagine just how much would go undone if we all did the same thing?
Knowing why I am where I am at will probably never get answered so I am wasting valuable time when I could just move forward and figure out the answer to this question, "What is it You want me to do and where can I pick up the equipment to accomplish this mission?"
I won't sit here and spit out the same cheesy lines that so many spit out. With all due respect, it lacks creativity and I believe God made us to be creative just like Him. I am sure He finds amusement in seeing what our brains can come up with and I believe He eventually will come along to help bring order to whatever idea is brewing in our heads. With that being said, I could say, "If you keep your eye on God, than your path will become clear." Or I could say, "God is good." Not saying that He isn't but think of it more like this:
So many of us have been through so much in our lives. Some had it worst than others but pain is pain no matter the degree of that pain and no matter how long the suffering has gone on. None of us really want to suffer even if it's a tiny bit. God takes pity on us. We cry and He is quick to answer. The mere fact that He gives us strength, comfort and encouragement should be enough to abolish the question of why because at the end of the day...it doesn't really matter. What matters is that we went through it and we now have a tool to help, give hope, and encourage others. Yes...God is good. He is good because He cares about what we are going through and He has a solution to our troubles but we can't receive the solution unless we are willing to listen and keep our eyes on Him.
Watch Him.
Learn from Him.
Mimic Him.
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor your ways My ways, declares the Lord." Isaiah 55:9
"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." Psalm 18:32
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